beauty

i can't find very, very important financial papers.
i can't seem to find enough time to spend with my brothers who leave very, very soon.
i can't find the words to express how blessed i am by the friendship of two beautiful women who i just dropped off at the airport.
i can't seem to express my appreciation (and even fully understand how blessed i am) for my parents.

there's so much that i can't do. it's frustrating but, for the lack of a better word, it's beautiful.

i'm surrounded by people who can't do it either....on their own.

frustrated. tired. enthusiastic. uncertain. insecure. incompetent. optimistic. energetic. frazzled. content. aspiring. apathetic. furious. excited. passionate. impatient. perseverant.

what would be the point of friends and family if we could do everything on our own? for this reason, i'm very, very excited to be home. but the transition back to the states, back to hawaii, back to home will (and hasn't been) the easiest. figuring out how the almost 23 yr. old, just lived in egypt, spent four years in seattle janean is going to fit in here is tiring. exhausting. frustrating. exciting. and at times, uncertain.

i'm adaptable. but i'm human. right now, more than ever, i don't feel like i can handle it all. but i KNOW that i'm surrounded by people who love me and will continue to love me. even when i'm ridiculously tired from little or no sleep. when i'm frustrated and furious about finances. when i'm impatient about achieving my pending aspirations. when i'm enthusiatic about all the opportunities and options i have ahead of me. when i'm passionate about helping others and when i'm apathetically content. when i'm feeling uncertain and insecure, pessimistic and frazzled.

be patient. i still feel like i might head over to my Egyptian family's house for dinner next sunday. i feel like i'm just passing through hawaii like i have so many times before. i feel like i've learned so much about myself and life but can't process and channel it all. my five years away from here has passed, but like a fruit fallen off of the tree, i'm still ripening (focus on the ripening part....not the falling off the tree part :)

i have so many things and thoughts about everything and nothing that i feel almost numb because i'm feeling so much so fast all at once non stop going going going busy no rest no break

beautiful

blessed.