defrost yourself

chris left today. jared left wednesday night.

i've said by to my brothers before this, but this is the first time in a really long time when i'm the one staying home. the majority of the things i love to do include them. the majority of my favorite memories include them.

i hope i never have to witness another today ever again. watching april let go of chris was one of the most beautiful, horrible things ever. two people so clearly made for each other, married for only six months, finally enjoying life with the one.....only to be separated. but she's not the only one, fathers holding babies only a few weeks old, mothers saying bye to infant children....it's sad. and yet, i couldn't help but feel even sadder for the few who seemed to have no one to cry with at their departure...no one crying over their coming absence.

all the emotions of the day were channeled through a craft session resulting in a new bracelet, headband, ring, and ideas for a few more accessories. i feel like i'm defrosting. the experience and emotional overload have left me quite numb to many thoughts, people, and things going on around me. i hope that this next month of traveling continues the defrosting process and not the opposite.

haha, how many people return from a year in egypt to defrost?

haha...

another day....still can't handle the pressure.

i'm really not laughing. just ironic from yesterday's post.

beauty

i can't find very, very important financial papers.
i can't seem to find enough time to spend with my brothers who leave very, very soon.
i can't find the words to express how blessed i am by the friendship of two beautiful women who i just dropped off at the airport.
i can't seem to express my appreciation (and even fully understand how blessed i am) for my parents.

there's so much that i can't do. it's frustrating but, for the lack of a better word, it's beautiful.

i'm surrounded by people who can't do it either....on their own.

frustrated. tired. enthusiastic. uncertain. insecure. incompetent. optimistic. energetic. frazzled. content. aspiring. apathetic. furious. excited. passionate. impatient. perseverant.

what would be the point of friends and family if we could do everything on our own? for this reason, i'm very, very excited to be home. but the transition back to the states, back to hawaii, back to home will (and hasn't been) the easiest. figuring out how the almost 23 yr. old, just lived in egypt, spent four years in seattle janean is going to fit in here is tiring. exhausting. frustrating. exciting. and at times, uncertain.

i'm adaptable. but i'm human. right now, more than ever, i don't feel like i can handle it all. but i KNOW that i'm surrounded by people who love me and will continue to love me. even when i'm ridiculously tired from little or no sleep. when i'm frustrated and furious about finances. when i'm impatient about achieving my pending aspirations. when i'm enthusiatic about all the opportunities and options i have ahead of me. when i'm passionate about helping others and when i'm apathetically content. when i'm feeling uncertain and insecure, pessimistic and frazzled.

be patient. i still feel like i might head over to my Egyptian family's house for dinner next sunday. i feel like i'm just passing through hawaii like i have so many times before. i feel like i've learned so much about myself and life but can't process and channel it all. my five years away from here has passed, but like a fruit fallen off of the tree, i'm still ripening (focus on the ripening part....not the falling off the tree part :)

i have so many things and thoughts about everything and nothing that i feel almost numb because i'm feeling so much so fast all at once non stop going going going busy no rest no break

beautiful

blessed.

re-exploration

Being home has been nothing but non-stop craziness. Enjoyable but exhausting. I've already met some really interesting people who have pointed me to more interesting people and places. I can't wait until I have the time (and money :) to enjoy a few of the following:


- The Fat Greek (supposedly a lot of Arabs, mostly Egyptians, frequent this place! Including belly dancing and live Arab music on Saturday nights)
- The Spot (smoothie and Egyptian food)
- Wine tasting (I just went to this fantastic restaurant with a nice selection of wine and enjoyed a very nice glass. next time, i'll order the taste size of a few types)
- Sewing lessons (I'm thinking about finding sponsors to pay for the lessons and, in return, I'll sew some nifty crafts for them....any takers???)
- LIVE music....at this point, just about anything will do
- camping! I can't remember the last time I went camping....once again, any takers?

Five years away means a lot to catch up on!

blah blah blah

packing, yet again. cranky check-in people. removing liquids and computer, shoes and jacket, cell phone and accessories. long lines. long waits. delayed flights? noisy neighbors. crying babies. i won't even describe the food.

as you can tell, i'm more than ready to be home......in one place. not packing. not unpacking. not repacking. no packing....at least for three weeks. i'm usually excited about being in transit, especially alone. i meet more people and am focused on what's going on around me. however, i'm so relieved to be travelling with family. these past few years have become less about where i go and more about who i go with.

my solo flight out of egypt was probably one of the worst i've had this far. even worse than the huge turbulance and 1,000 foot drop our plane took in elevation enroute to europe and then to kenya.

i think it comes down to this: i'm ready to be back with my family. single in the city no longer appeals to me. it did at one point. it was great. i loved it. perhaps this is a result of living in egypt. perhaps it's just the timing. either way, i may be the only almost 23 year old in america who is genuinely excited to move home after living away for five years.

and, to everyone inquiring as to "how long i'll be around this time," we'll see.

family fun

looks like there's more to my family than i've ever realized. i suppose there are somethings worth mentioning, somethings unmentionable, and other things........i just can't keep quiet:

for instance, i'm related to hillbillies....you know, the people who may be crass, rough around the edges but ridiculously hilarious (or maybe that's a family thing!). i may never visit them up the crick, but they will most definitely be at my wedding....especially because i can trust that they'll respect the BYOB as they did this past weekend ;) good times.

then there's my uncle living in florida who is a very talented craftsmen - you want it, he'll build it. he showed me some of the projects he's worked on.......and now i'm looking at extending my trip on the east coast so i can spend some time learning from him.

then there's that guy....the epitome of a goofball. hilarious. and yet, under all of that, an astronomical AND aeuronautical engineer working for boeing who helped design and test the latest raptor, F22 for the US gov......

i must mention my aunty and uncle who own about 10 snakes, three dogs, guinea pigs, and recently got rid of their ferrets (sad!)......they also own an arsenal of medieval tools, weapons, costumes, etc....

well, that's a BRIEF synopsis of my mom's family......seriously, love these people......and now, off to hawaii........ikeda clan, here i come! finally...