or something like it.
as my stuff finds a new home: clothes hung up, books on bookshelves, scarves and coats tucked away, records stored upright...things are looking like they're coming together.
except, the box of random, homeless stuff tucked in the back of my closet, the unsorted mail and paper collected and bagged while i've been away...then there are things i'm still unaware of like the contents in the container hiding under the bed that i refuse to open.
in a lot of ways, i feel like the current state of my room reflects the current state of me. i seem to be finding my place for the most part. but there are still things that i'm aware of that don't quite fit yet. then there are the things that i'm not even aware of.
today, the urge to get up and go -- go anywhere. somewhere. to be GOING -- crept up multiple times while getting my teeth cleaned. while mashing butternut squash. while sitting in my room, friends looking at my stuff, me looking at my stuff with new homes. a new home. stuff i've picked up along the way. now home. with me. unfamiliar.
i love being home. i love being with family. i love hanging out with friends.
but now my attention has a new home. along with my stuff. along with me.
i slept in my bed for the first time last night since leaving egypt. i don't think i will tonight.
i'm not ready for that sort of commitment.
About Me
- Just a Jabbott or two
- Hawaii, United States
- trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.
5 comments:
that sounds intense. coming home can be so wonderful, while simultaneously make us horribly homesick for what we came to love as another home. how long have you been back from egypt? how long were you in egypt? man, i cannot imagine. well, i can, but on a much smaller scale cause i have been away from home for up to a month or two at a time. it's a big deal. and it's a big deal readjusting again...reacculturating is heavy stuff. let your heart take its time, friend. don't rush it. eeeease into it all.
Thanks, Dulci! I was in Seattle for four years and Egypt for one. I left Egypt at the end of July and was travelling until mid-September. "They" say that out of town guests make the transition THAT much more enjoyable ;)
Oops: Dulcy....Not Dulci like fungi. wait, no....never mind :)
PenPals, YES :) I need to get some cool stationary tomorrow, then you can expect a letter in near future.
this post forced me to dust off an old journal i kept from my first year in france. aside from remembering my limitations as a writer, i remembered what it was like for me when i had to go through reverse culture shock.
i remember being teary-eyed on the plane back, but then again, who wouldn't be teary-eyed after flying from a european culture capital like barcelona to newark, nj?
but most of all, i remembered my ambivalence to it all. i was happy to be with my family of course, but i wasn't happy or sad to go or return. i just was. then again, perhaps ambivalence is the wrong word. i was happy AND sad to go AND return.
happily when i came back, i didn't have a big pile of stuff, leaving it with friends in europe. i only brought back a card they made for me, my journal and my memories. those were easier (and cheaper) to transport.
i guess i just took comfort in knowing that my time abroad helped me to grow and to put simply, be better. to even have the ability to experience reverse culture shock is a gift to be cherished. it's indicative of your personal growth. someday i'd like to experience it again. i think.
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